My experience of Coaching
This time last year, I had no idea what a coach was or does. The only inkling I had was garnered from films, hearing some California native accessing a life coach who tells them how to live their lives through woo-woo activities like yoga and meditation, or crystals and incense (incidentally, I love meditation and enjoy regular yoga plus have incense burning in my house on the regular so no judgement here).
To my surprise, a real coach doesn’t prescribe activities or goals, or create plans; all of the actions come from the client themselves. Who else knows the client best and why would anyone else be able to create an impactful, long-term plan for them that will both motivate them and make a difference? It seems that, in the modern world, we are getting so used to having everything immediately and delayed gratification is becoming a thing of the past? Examples are everywhere: want to be entertained, well you can binge-watch whole seasons of programmes as soon as they are released; want to lose weight? Well, there are drugs or operations available for people to buy that take the effort out of reducing our weight and becoming healthier? Want to read a self-help book to improve aspects of your life? Well, there are apps that reduce the book to its finer or most salient points for you to take away.
Coaching, in my experience, is the epitome of delayed gratification. Clients come to me for help with their life goals, experiences of overwhelm or stress, changing aspects of their career they are unhappy with, and through the sessions, slowly build on the behaviours that will move you towards your goals. This is not a “one and done” experience. The things that my clients work on may only be relatively small aspects of their life, but by taking sensible, achievable actions, make slow, long-term change that will help them achieve their ultimate goal. This small goal may also impact other aspects of their lives that they didn’t expect to happen. This is quite common, and one theory calls it “broaden and build”. As you practice this new behaviour, you realise that it works and can be used for another behaviour and another. You use the newly applied action, experience the benefits, iron out the kinks of what might not be working, and then apply it to another aspect of your life. One example I have experienced is the use of mindfulness and meditation. I used it initially to calm myself and create more focus for work, but quickly realised it helped me in other aspects and recognised it allowed me to focus better when playing a video game or chess with my wife. I then used the teachings to apply to how I am when I drive, as I can be very reactive when other drivers don’t follow the rules of the road (my stickler saboteur, as referred to in Positive Intelligence). I broadened and built up this new skill to improve different and sometimes unexpected parts of my life.
Since becoming a coach, my eyes have been opened to endless possibilities that come from being coached. I was surprised to experience something that can have such a profound effect on the people I have coached and also vicariously impact and inspire me.
In my coaching sessions, I have seen clients prepare for an interview after multiple disappointments, change how they are going to approach the next interview by putting themselves in the interviewer’s place and having space to think about what they would want in a new employee, prepare appropriately, and be successful; I have seen people change their life from being hectic and stressful to being more balanced and enjoyable; I have seen people remove clutter from their lives that was making them feel unhappy in their own home, starting small (a pile in the corner or a drawer full of clutter) and then be able to approach a full room to declutter. All of these examples have come from coaching sessions, where they were the sole focus of their attention, they had time to think about what will truly make them happy or how they can be successful, gave them time to recognise the things they were doing that were having a negative impact on their personal or professional lives, and could formulate their own plan or next steps and not be lectured into trying something they know will probably fail.
Being a coach and seeing people come alive in sessions when visualising the future they want, feeling what their future self could feel like if they make those changes, becoming invested in their plans moving forward, seeing how successful they have been since making those changes, and recognising how far they have come in the short time they have spent in our sessions has been incredible. It is an amazing feeling to know that I have had a small part in their development and that these changes could make a lifelong impact on my clients and their families, that there is a strong chance that those changes will open up new opportunities for them and enrich their lives even farther.
Coaching is truly a powerful tool for people who are wanting to make long-lasting, impactful change.
