Deepening my Practice

I have recently started a new course to become a qualified and certified Meditation Teacher and since starting the course I have felt that my existing practice may have not been deep enough for my overall wellbeing.

There has been aspects of my personality that have become more apparent and overwhelming in certain situations, and when experiencing these emotions and having practiced mindfulness for a long time, have not been pleasant to experience and live with . it can actually cause me to spiral further at times and almost double down on the mood. I know that it is ok to experience these emotions…we are after all human and cannot function without them; but at these times, I have noticed that it is affecting me more than it should.

I recently heard that our reaction to stimuli like this lasts for 90 seconds and after that, we are prolonging the emotion. For me I have noticed more and more that this is true, that I can return to a more neutral or even happy stance very quickly but that for some reason, choose to prolong the state I am in.

With this in mind, I have taken steps to deepen my practice and begin using Metta or Loving Kindness meditation more often. I am also trying to learn a little more about breath work and this morning completed an energising breath meditation on Apple Fitness + with Jessica Skye after I meditated for 30 minutes listening to Binaural beats on Headspace and focusing on a certain part of the track. This practice has really helped my mood as I was feeling a little scatter brained and demotivated to be creative or learn anything new. Now I have written this blog post and will work through a little more of my new course.

As for the loving kindness, I have noticed that I am not as reactive for as long and this has been reflected in one of my children’s reactions to my mood. She has been able to take her mood down a little quicker maybe because I haven’t gone overboard with mine.

What a wonderful thing to have experienced this morning.

Its Official!

Its Official! I am now a fully qualified Positive Psychology Performance coach. My certificates have arrived and I am so pleased that the hard work I have put in over the last 7 months have come to fruition.

Looking back to where I was to where I am now, there is a part of me that can’t come to terms with the changes in my life and how I have managed it. To qualify as a coach was a very quick decision. It didn’t take me long and much research to see that I already had a lot of the skills I felt was necessary to be successful in this role and to start helping people. It was obvious that finding my meaning and purpose again was essential and this opportunity came about at the exact right time….some would say, it was serendipity or destiny. Whatever it was, I am so grateful to be doing this and already helping people become the less anxious, happier people they deserve to be.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me so far….watch this space

Calmness…

After years of struggling to deal with my constant anxiety and overwhelm, one of the keys things I started to do was use mindfulness and meditation.

Through this daily-ish practice, I learned that I was viewing things in a way which caused a lot of my anxiety. I placed pressure on myself whilst at work because I believed that other people had high expectations of the work I produced when ‘good enough’ was good enough. I started to recognise that I was always rushing, double checking my work, doing things twice because I forgot if I had done something or not and placing undue time pressures on myself.

I recognised that I needed to have better strategies to cope with the workload.

I started with journaling in particular, Bullet Journaling for productivity. With this technique I immediately improved my focus at work and rarely missed deadlines or had to check if I had completed the task; It was already written down and recorded in the BuJo.

Whilst meditating I recognised where my anxiety would show up in my body…where I can feel the first signs of stress in my body. For me it is a feeling in the centre of my chest….its linked to the shortness of breath I experience when having a panic attack. With that foreknowledge or warning, I could put actions in place. What is causing me to react this way? What can I do to negate this? Who can I ask for support? I remember going to one of my line managers, informing that I can feel a panic attack and anxiety coming along and then verbalising the plan I would follow to reduce this. Usually it was creating small wins for myself. Things that I may have been deprioritising over other tasks but are starting to get on top of me.

Giving yourself time to think, time to feel and time to plan or act is key to reducing tasks.

Give yourself permission to prioritise you and what you need to do rather than what others may need of you, is like a muscle….it needs to be flexed often for you to benefit and grow.

If you are interested in what I do for anxiety and want to give yourself time to think, feel and act. Contact me via the link above.

Sunk Cost Fallacy

I have encountered the Sunk Cost Fallacy and Loss Aversion in my past. I was struggling on a course I didn’t enjoy and I was in a relationship (loss aversion) that I had been unhappy in for a long time. Both of these situations were happening at the same time and contributed to my increasing state of anxiousness and panic attacks. I needed to take action but was stuck.

The Sunk Cost Fallacy can show up in many different situations and usually involves some kind of investment; this could be financial, time or even social. We may choose to prioritise the invested time in the past, not prioritising the present and unable to visualise the potential benefits for the future. In my situation, I didn’t recognise what affect my present situation was having on my health and happiness until it was too late and my body rebelled! The investment of time in both my relationship and university course made me lose sight of what I wanted and what would make me happy; neither of which were doing that. My body told me what I wasn’t ready to hear but needed to.

I chose to look forward. I visualised what my life could look like based on what makes me happy. I visualised that happiness and then worked backward to recognise the steps I needed to take to get me there. This is a technique I now use often in Positive Psychology sessions with clients. This can enable a person to truly see what they want, disregard anything that might get in the way and then work out the steps to move you towards that goal.

If you are encountering a decision that is difficult and you have invested lots of time, money or effort into, and you are seeing that the pay off to continue isnt favourable over another potentially better outcome then consider these points to make the right decision for you.

1. Set clear, defined goals from the start - this makes is easier to evaluate if this is moving you towards your goal - focus on the objectives rather than the investments and see if these are more aligned to your long term success or ability to flourish.

2. Make data driven decisions - I know this sounds cold, but choosing to analyse the decision, even if it involves deep emotions, can help you recognise if continuing on is the right path for you to follow. Find your inner Vulcan and use logic to help make that decision.

3. Use a Decision Matrix - Evaluate the options within a framework to weigh up the potential future benefits agains past investments - focus on what will truly benefit you in the future. My example would be, I am unhappy with this course, I don’t enjoy it as a job role for my future and can’t see me being motivated to excel in this role; another option is to take another route using my established skills and character to help people in the way I know I can truly excel in.

If you would like to explore your options to move you towards your desired future then please, get in touch and book your free chemistry session with The Calm Coach.